Okay, so it was a few months ago at this point, and here at storageunitauctionlist.com, we would like to consider ourselves on the cusp of all things self-storage related. It may have taken a few weeks to find it, but I caught Woodhaven Production’s Self Storage. Never having been a huge horror film enthusiast—though I try every other month and see if my tastes have (d)evolved at all—, I was able to justify a screening at my place as research. Can’t say that I regret the decision; but, I often found the suffering of sitting through the entire hour and a half of this independent flick to be on par with some of the torture scenes that unfolded for those on screen. It’s a campy little film; and, in retrospect, it was more than satisfactory and entertaining in that B-movie kinduva way, ya know?
It plays out like this: (Spoiler alert!) An overnight security guard at a top level self-storage facility agrees to host a huge bender at his work when a friend’s party plans fall through. The cast is young and hip, with the glaring exception of horror movie staple Michael Berryman. Eric Roberts, of renowned Julia-Roberts-is-my-sister-fame, hasn’t been young in a few decades, but he’s got that xfactor—particularly in a B-movie environment. So, not surprisingly, the creepy old guy starts snatching up people; someone starts doing Hostil-esque surgeries on the abducted; the new-age Breakfast Club fights back; and, with any luck, you can keep your dinner down long enough to watch it all go down.
These gratuitous violence/sporadic nudity type of horror films are starting to saturate the industry; but they’re not going anywhere in the foreseeable future. The director, Tom DeNucci, isn’t either. He’s had a solid run of films in this genre. He keeps getting the nod to sit behind the camera—so chances are, at 28, he’s in for a lengthy tenure. There are also a few other cast members that you might be surprised to see entering screen left. I hadn’t realized that Jonathan Silverman was still alive.
Regardless of why anyone caught this film in the few months since it’s release, the response has been more than positive. Producer Chad A. Verdi (relative newcomer and big, bad mamma jamma in the horror industry over the last 2 years) already has Roberts on board for a sequel.“I’m going to be speaking with agent Judy Fox about bringing in Bill Moseley and bringing Tony Todd back and having a little bit of a collaboration. We may possibly even work with Robert Englund again on this picture for a day or two. What we’re trying to do is replicate what we did in [another film], like The Expendables of a horror movie.” Hmm, well I know two names from that quote—wait, Tony Todd is the Candyman, right? Wasn’t he the mortician or something in all of those Final Destination movies, too?—yeah, two names. Well hell, if Self Storage 2 is gonna have both the Candyman and Freddy Krueger, then sign me up for round two!
Self Storage is not winning any Oscars, I’ll dare to make that bold statement. It’s one of those films that—with a couch overflowing with friends, a few cocktails, and an open mind—makes for an enjoyable evening. Plus, it got me thinking: what kind of a rager could you throw at a self-storage facility? If you had a friend in the business who was a security guard with access to the lockers. I realize that security at these facilities do not actually have access to the units, but we’re talking hypothetically here. Based on what you’ve found in your hunting/gathering experiences at storage unit auctions, just how blowout of a blowout might you be able to put together? Let us know in our Comments section what your ultimate self-storage soirée might entail. No judging. Just watch out for that creepy old guy without any eyebrows wandering around your facility. Just sayin’…
Self Storage movie poster: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2228463872/tt2166500
Freddy Krueger, A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Photo by Zade Rosenthal – © 1984 – New Line Cinema Entertainment, Inc.