Did you read our article last week about finding haunted items in your storage unit? Well, if you’re starting to think that one of your storage auction scores truly is possessed, there’s only one thing you can do with it:
Sell it on eBay!
Here’s a comprehensive guide to finding and selling the best haunted items on eBay.
(note: the following suggestions are to be taken as seriously as you would take a haunted rubber ducky.)
Finding the Haunted Item That’s Right for You
Sure, you can find an ordinary, run of the mill haunted item at a storage auction any day of the week…but in order to be successful on eBay, you’ve gotta make sure yours stands out. So how do you find the best of the best?
Simple solution: try bidding on storage units that were owned by witches, shamans, necromancers, or any similar other-worldly practitioners. If you are looking for a list of other-worldly practitioners in your area, check your local yellow pages.
Make Sure It’s Spooky
A haunted toaster? A haunted flower pot? Come on…nobody wants that junk. You have to make sure your item would be creepy even on the highly unlikely off-chance that it isn’t truly haunted. This is where your super-sleuthing skills as a storage hunter come in. When scanning a storage unit, look for items like Victorian era dolls missing eyeballs, wedding dresses with blood stains, or a murderous Furby. Something that would make your blood curdle just by looking at it.
Because, you know, people love spending their hard-earned money on things that terrify them to the point of tears.
Taking a Terrifying Photo
Okay, so you’ve tracked down a haunted doll. Now what? You absolutely cannot just take a photo of it and be done with it. No–your photo has to be terrifying. If your doll really is haunted, it shouldn’t be too hard to snap a candid photo of her searching through the kitchen for the butcher knives in the middle of the night.
Just like all of your non-haunted eBay listings, this one should accurately display the item and what it’s capable of. You want to maintain that 100% positive feedback, don’t you?
TYPE IN ALL CAPS
Typing in all caps makes your case more compelling to prospective buyers. If buyers can practically hear the fear in your voice, they’re more likely to buy. We also suggest changing the font color to something a little more ghoulish—blood red works well. Also avoid paragraphs, commas, periods, or any other sentence breaks. This perpetual run-on sentence will do a fantastic job on conveying the sheer terror in your words.
Here’s a great example taken from the listing for the infamous eBay Haunted Painting:
WHEN WE RECEIVED THIS PAINTING, WE THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GOOD ART. A ” PICKER ” HAD FOUND IT ABANDONED BEHIND AN OLD BREWERY. AT THE TIME WE WONDERED A LITTLE WHY A SEEMINGLY PERFECTLY FINE PAINTING WOULD BE DISCARDED LIKE THAT. ( TODAY WE DON’T !!! )
ONE MORNING OUR 4 AND 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER CLAIMED, THAT THE CHILDREN IN THE PICTURE WERE FIGHTING, AND COMING INTO THE ROOM DURING THE NIGHT. NOW, I DON’T BELIEVE IN UFOS OR ELVIS BEING ALIVE, BUT MY HUSBAND WAS ALARMED. TO MY AMUSEMENT HE SET UP A MOTION TRIGGERED CAMERA FOR THE NIGHTS. AFTER THREE NIGHTS THERE WERE PICTURES.THE LAST TWO PICTURES SHOWN ARE FROM THAT ‘STAKEOUT’. AFTER SEEING THE BOY SEEMINGLY EXITING THE PAINTING UNDER THREAT, WE DECIDED, THE PAINTING HAS TO GO.PLEASE JUDGE FOR YOURSELF
Ugh…If that didn’t give you a headache, I don’t know what will.
Okay, so you’ve successfully listed your first haunted item on eBay! Congratulations! You can feel good about what you’ve just accomplished here. Not only will you make money off of your haunted item, but you’ll be recycling a potentially deadly curse into your community, spreading sheer terror and misfortune all across the world.
Happy Halloween, everyone!