Whether you’re aware of it or not, Halloween is this Wednesday. That’s right. The day after tomorrow. You’ve spent the entire month procrastinating, whether you were busy with storage auctions or watching reruns of Storage Wars. But now the big day is almost here.
Unlucky for you, you’ve failed to get two of the most important things you need for a successful Halloween: candy for the trick-or-treaters, and costumes for your family. The local Wal-Mart looks like a barren wasteland: the only candies left are Sweet-Tarts and Tootsie Rolls, and the costume section is looking less promising than a first date with Freddie Krueger. Jeez. Tough break. Now what do you do?
Well, I can’t help you with the candy (you’ll just have to let the angry trick-or-treaters decide your fate), but I can help you with the costumes! Here are a few great costumes for the whole family that can be made out of things you’d find in a storage unit.
The Sweet Treat
As they say, you are what you eat….and what could be more appropriate for munching on Halloween candy than a candy inspired costume? This one’s really easy to make. Since you’re a storage hunter and you deal with a lot of garbage, chances are you have a garbage bag to spare for this costume. And look at that, you’re already halfway done! Now, cut some little leg holes to slip into, fill the bag with colorful jelly beans made out of balloons, tie it up with a cute lil’ bow–and you’re ready to hit the town! What sweet tooth in their right mind could resist this costume?
The Outdated Rock Stars
You know that tacky old women’s clothing from the 80s you were just gonna throw out? What were you thinking? Just think of all of the awful 80s hair bands you can impersonate: Guns n Roses, Poison, Kiss, Motley Crue, Bon Jovi…the possibilities with this clothing are practically limitless. Using old clothing for Halloween costumes is cheap, easy, and usually very amusing. Any good rock star costume would benefit from a beer bottle as an accessory, so you can even upcycle garbage for this look! Imagine that!
With the economy the way it is, times are getting tough out there…these days, I guess people are even willing to work for candy. This costume can be a social/political statement, all while costing you next to nothing. Think of it this way: if you’re not finding tacky outdated clothing in storage lockers like the kind seen in our last costume, then you’re probably finding junky old clothing with holes in it that’s not even worth donating. Why not give those ripped jeans one last hurrah before throwing them out? They’re too perfect not to use!
The Squarest Group Costume
Tetris is my go-to game whenever I’m having a bad day. It’s colorful, it’s retro, and that theme song is just so darn catchy! So naturally, I love these costumes. They’re super simple to make, too. Just take some extra boxes left over from your last storage auction haul, spray paint them, and connect them with black duct tape to get the classic Tetris block look. Just a friendly warning: these are NOT good party costumes. Sure, you look awesome…but you probably couldn’t fit through doors…or get into a car…or sit down…or use the bathroom…or eat (unless someone hand-fed you, which would be super creepy)…yeah, I guess you can’t do much of anything in these costumes besides pose for hilarious group photos.
…And for the Dog
You’re finally done….WAIT! You’re forgetting someone! What about the dog?! Don’t want him to feel left out, do you? But you know what? I’m exhausted, and I bet you are too. All of this running around last minute takes a lot out of ya. Take an old sheet from your garage, cut some eye holes in it, and boom, you’re done. Ugh, I need a nap.
Look at that! Thanks to you, storage hunter, everyone’s got a costume, and everyone’s happy.
Except for the trick-or-treaters who are expecting Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
Sorry guys, but that’s your problem.