Cutting the Padlock

News & Strategies for Storage Auctions Success

Posted on by Matt Nannis


cartoon rainbowSometimes you get a little more than you bargained for. In my research, I stumbled across some amazing footage of a locker sold, sight-unseen, to an entrepreneurial spirit with limited experience in the field. I was fortunate enough to track down the owner and interview him on his experience. "I was hoping for some priceless antiques. Maybe some gold. You know, just like on that show on that channel. To be honest, after cutting the padlock and not seeing any boxes or furniture, I was pretty disappointed," reflected Carl, the new storage unit owner. He went on, "yeah, I was pretty put out when I learned I had squatters in there. I mean, I heard it happens all the time, but I just didn't wanna deal with the hassle of legal fees and the time commitment and all, ya know? I was ready to cut my losses and move on to the next auction."

__________

 

king zarfoniusUpon a harder look into the storage bin, it was clear that it was a portal to another fantastical universe. The locker was host to a magical forest occupied by the Zeebles. It wasn't long until Carl started familiarizing himself with the Lien Laws in his state. He was thrilled to discover that he not only owned and controlled the portal, but, through an amendment to the Lien Laws just this past year, he also was ruler of the Zeebles kingdom, by extension. Things started to look up after appraising the throne of Zarfonius (pictured right), King of the Zeebles, at a local pawn shop. Carl started to look into typical ways to maximize the turnaround on his investment.

__________

 

carl aqua teen hunger forceThere are some pointers to be taken from my conversations with Carl about his vision & drive in flipping the items he found in his new acquisition. Where some of us might have viewed the Wise & All Knowing Talking Bushes as a poor investment with limited resale value, Carl had foresight. For example: he joined forces with a local, privately owned landscaping company and sold them off as high-end customer referral bonuses. But he didn't stop there. Mercilessly, he stripped all of the lavish vegetation and happiness from the Land of the Zeebles. Many storage unit auction hunters would have stopped there. But not Carl.

With a little innovation and a whole lot of thinking outside of the box - like we stress here at StorageUnitAuctionList.com all the time - Carl opened up an event planning service. He began to rent out the Magical Forest for weddings and other events. His creativity and own personal network helped to maximize his ROI on this locker. He may have gotten a little ahead of himself as the images he used for his event planning company were somewhat misleading in content. He had the portal professionally shot prior to stripping every beautiful and lush element from the Zeeble landscape. As a result of his vigorous flipping and clearing out of the bin, those images were no longer an accurate depiction of the scenery. Fortunately for Carl, he banked over $50,000 in non-refundable deposits from potential clients and newlyweds; however, without exception, all of his clients were somewhat perturbed during their walk-throughs and abruptly cancelled their contracts.

__________

 

cartoon monkiesCarl is now facing 16 charges of false advertising and is counter-suing plaintiffs for breach of contract in all but one of these cases. "It's unlucky, ya know? That people would agree to use your facility and then, after agreeing to put down a non-refundable deposit for a wedding or something, try to pull the rug out from under ya," exclaimed Carl. "Makes ya wonder how long any of these marriages are gonna last - ya know? - with the whole honesty thing in question right from the get go. Just sayin'. Anyways, they ain't gettin' married any time soon, I can promise ya that. I did some research on Legal-Dictionary.com; they gotta prove a whole buncha crap. And with the loot I made from syphoning the Zeeble's magical crude-oil waterfall and lake, I'm gonna drag this out till none of 'em could afford the breakfast buffet at the Grand Coral, let alone anything but a CrackerJack ring."

The Zeebles have since faced various accusations with pending legal action glooming over their tiny, green heads. Some of the open cases include the raiding of neighboring storage lockers at the unnamed facility to bargain with Carl for their freedom and lives. There are also rumors of the Zeebles having baked mercenaries into Blisterberry pies in one of many assassination attempts.

Legal counsel for the Zeebles could not be reached for comment by time of this post.

 

Sources:

Land of the Zeebles:     https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSn0tDReW2LZGZbcnCHW8f_VL8VK91MOFgBH32OjQ1CeQTC0SLK2g
King Zarfonius:     http://images.divxcentral.com/image-29FD_52539942.jpg
Carl & Landscaping Co.:     https://lh6.ggpht.com/x2Z8tn9r5-Jl09N3_Iib6paUNa5nuehzWyP3uQmJyoadYZXPzauAiEjDOFsdqOH1Las=w340
Disgruntled Zeeblonians:     http://images.divxcentral.com/image-D5E3_5252A114.jpg
Aqua Teen Hunger Force:     http://video.adultswim.com/aqua-tv-show-show/storage-zeebles.html

 

 

Posted on by Matt Nannis | Posted in Just For Fun, Storage Auction Stories, Storage Auction Tips, Updates | Tagged , ,


Author Image

About Matt Nannis

Matt is the content provider at StorageUnitAuctionList.com. He'll be keeping you all up to date and informed on everything and anything as it relates to self-storage facilities and auctions.